


One Kiss, Then Probably More (If You Can Be Persuaded)

by Marty (orphan_account)



Category: Homestuck
Genre: M/M, Puppets, Sex Toys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-31
Updated: 2013-03-31
Packaged: 2017-12-07 01:29:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,781
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/742575
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/Marty
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When the shades come off, you pretty much resign yourself to your fate. He gives you the look that you know means something like <i>please do this one thing and I'll never ask you to do anything again, you know, until the next time I think of something that might be hot and is pretty kinky.</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	One Kiss, Then Probably More (If You Can Be Persuaded)

**Author's Note:**

> bro gets john to do more weird stuff. is anybody surprised??? probably not.
> 
> [also on tumblr](http://legendarydeathclaw.tumblr.com/post/20939310698/anonymous-asked-you-will-you-write-a-fic-where) if i see this reposted i will find you and i will punch you right in the throat. (not really.) (i'll thank you for liking my shit enough to repost, then ask you to delete it and reblog mine.)
> 
> also, my title sounds like a fall out boy song.

Bro Strider makes it hard for you to say 'no'. He knows when not to push you and he knows when there's no chance of you being pursuaded, but everything else is fair game. Puppy-dog eyes and pitiful, whiny begging and just plain persistence. He likes to get his own way.

He's a dick.

A dick who can convince you to do literally almost anything. You wish you were joking.

When the shades come off, you pretty much resign yourself to your fate. He gives you the look that you know means something like _please do this one thing and I'll never ask you to do anything again, you know, until the next time I think of something that might be hot and is pretty kinky._

"Baby, come on," he says, setting his shades on the coffee table and rolling back over to face you. "Just... promise you'll do it and I'll tell you what it is."

"Dude. I've been taught since, like, first grade that you don't volunteer for shit until you know what it is you're volunteering for." You laugh. "One time the French teacher asked for volunteers and everybody put their hands up and she got the volunteers to eat wasabi paste. That pretty much taught us to find out what we're volunteering for before we volunteer. We also learned how to talk about sushi in French."

"I'm not gonna feed you wasabi paste, don't be stupid."

"I never said you were gonna! I'm just saying, you should tell me what I'm agreeing to. Also, I'm not stupid. You're stupid."

He sighs at you and kisses you again, then leans backwards over the edge of the couch and comes back with Lil Cal in one hand.

"Oh, no. No no no." You shove his arm away and he snorts, trying to shove the puppet against you just because he knows you don't want him to.

"Come on, hear me out. Jesus, you're impatient." He kisses you again to shut you up and then takes your hand in his and settles the puppet between you and him, resting his chin on Cal's head. "I think it'd be kinda hot if you maybe messed around a little bit with Cal."

"It's a puppet."

" _It,_ he says. What a rude little boy you are, John. You hurt _his_ feelings. He's gonna cry."

"No, you know what's rude? Calling me a little boy when we're both entirely naked and you have a boner. It's rude and really creepy."

"I don't have a boner."

You grab him abruptly, laughing when you feel him hardening in your hand just a bit.

"Pardon? I didn't catch that. Did I hear you say you _didn't_ have a boner?"

"Oh, screw off. Just..." He shoves Cal towards you. "C'mon, I'll literally never ask you to touch Cal again. One time." He pushes the puppet's face against yours and laughs when you swat at him half-heartedly. "He says he doesn't know what he did to make you hate him so much. Wants a kiss to make him feel better."

You turn your face towards the puppet and press a kiss to one red cheek, only to have Bro click his tongue at you.

"That ain't a kiss. Kiss him like you kiss me."

"He's a p—"

"Don't you dare say it, John."

"...uppet."

"I'm gonna piss on your clean laundry. Kiss Cal." He laughs, pressing Cal's face against your cheek. You laugh, too, but still turn your face towards Lil Cal's and put your hands on his cheeks, kissing him on the mouth and keeping your eyes on Bro's face. You push your tongue into his mouth and you don't think this shit could get any weirder but you don't actually care that much because you're just messing with him and he's just messing with you.

Except Bro makes a noise and you aren't sure whether it's fake or real but it certainly sounds aroused.

"You're getting off on watching me make out with a puppet. Really?"

"Shut it. You get off on some weird shit, too."

"I do not," you say, voice sounding defensive because some of the shit you get off on _is_ kind of weird.

"Oh, really?"

"Yep. No weird shit here. Vanilla all the way."

"Putting panties on and jacking off while you think I'm not watching. That's vanilla."

"Oh my god. Fuck you. Fuckyoufuckyoufuckyou."

He laughs when your face goes red, then kisses you on the forehead. "Aw, baby, you don't gotta be shy about what you get off on." His arms wrap around you and he pulls you against him. "Lemme tell you a secret."

"Mm," you don't try to act you're not unimpressed because he's admitting that he's _watched you_ before and that's really embarrassing and kind of irritating. You'd be tempted to call him a peeping tom if that didn't sound so stupid.

He leans in, though, pressing his mouth against your ear and breathing against your skin because he knows you can't not lean into him and gasp. "I get off on watching," he whispers, kissing the shell of your ear and grabbing your ass. You give him another shove, sitting up and moving back a little bit. He follows, and you stop him, then smile.

"Do you want me to kiss Lil Cal or not?" You pull your glasses off and hand them to Bro as you speak, getting comfortable where you're sitting.

"God, yes," he whispers, sounding every bit like he _isn't_ messing with you.

"Then screw off."

He grins, looking overly self-satisfied as he backs off, sits up, and faces you. You hold Cal in your arms a second, just looking at him, trying to work out how you're supposed to kiss him without looking like a tool.

Eventually, you just go for it. You press your mouth against the lips painted onto the wood and push your tongue into his mouth.

Making out with an inanimate object certainly is... New. It isn't something you'd do on your own, obviously, but Bro's enjoying it, and you're sort of doing it for his enjoyment so that's all that really matters. Every time you glance up at him you expect him to be touching himself, but he's not. Not yet. He gasps every so often, and he looks like he _wants_ to touch himself, but won't.

You keep kissing the puppet for a while, too long, and then Bro stops you. You think maybe that he's finally gonna laugh and tell you he was just messing with you and that photos of you kissing a puppet are gonna be all over the internet. Either that or he's gonna touch you, or maybe ask you to touch him. The noises he's been making have gotten you just the slightest bit worked up, and you wouldn't object to being touched.

Alternatively, though, none of the above. He tosses a bottle of lube at you and asks you, in a small voice, if you'll take Lil Cal's clothes off and touch him a little.

He can't be serious here, but you'll go along with a good prank, so whatever. You undo Cal's pants (tiny little jeans Bro found in the section at Wal-Mart for baby clothes, which you remember telling him not to buy) and start to pull them off when Bro gives your hand a gentle smack.

"Come on. You don't just tear a dude's pants off and get it over with. Take your time."

He _really_ can't be serious. You're still waiting, expecting him to start laughing any second now, because this is ridiculous and you're sliding your hand up a puppet's tiny little shirt.

You slide his little shirt over his head, wrapping an arm around his waist and touching his chest. Except you aren't sure that his body counts as having a chest _or_ a waist because he's a _puppet_. You start kissing him again, gaining a little confidence with each ridiculous action because Bro keeps making those little noises and he gasps every so often so you figure you're probably doing it right. You can't be doing _that_ badly if he's reacting.

You start to slide the pants off, setting them on the futon beside you and biting your lip and giving Bro a look that must say _what now?_ because he bites his lip too.

"Touch him," he whispers, sounding like he's actually legitimately aroused. Maybe he isn't messing with you. That isn't really the face of someone who's asking you to make out with a puppet for a joke.

Your boyfriend is genuinely turned on by watching you make out with and undress is ventriloquist doll.

You certainly picked a winner.

As your hands continue to explore Lil Cal's body, you glance up at Bro again, watching him wrap a hand around his dick. You kiss the puppet again, moaning into his mouth and trying to sound like you're getting into it as much as Bro is.

When your hands come to rest between Cal's legs, you stop dead in your tracks, looking up at Bro.

"Uh." Bro looks away, looking embarrassed, like he doesn't wanna make eye contact with you, and lets go of his dick, folding his arms over his chest. "Bro, answer a question for me. If you don't mind."

"...Mm." He's definitely embarrassed.

"Why does your puppet have a—an _ass_?"

" _Cal_ has an ass be-because there was a point in my life when I was kinda lonely a—"

"Okay. I get it. Stop. Seriously, though, you put a fucking fleshlight in your puppet?"

"Shut it. Look, I just think it would be kind of really hot if you, uh. If you really don't see where I'm going with this I'm gonna feel like I corrupted the shit out of you with this relationship."

"You want me to fuck Lil Cal."

"...Will you?"

You can't say no to that face. He's almost pouting and he's got the puppy-dog eyes and he's _such a dick_ but you shrug and nod and kiss the puppet on the mouth again, popping the lube open and coating most of your hand in it, then wrapping that hand around your dick.

This is legitimately the weirdest thing you've ever done, and that's probably saying something. You make a bit of a show of grinding against Cal's ass without pushing in, and then slide into him and okay wow that feels _really_ good and you can't stop the moan that comes out of your mouth and he moans too because he's actually getting off on this.

You move slowly, at first, getting used to the feeling because as much as you've maybe wanted to before you've never stuck your dick in something that _wasn't_ an actual butt so it's... new, to say the least. He's watching you pretty intently as you kiss Cal again because Bro makes little noises every time you do anything to the puppet in your arms and you're enjoying the noises he's making more than anything else.

You grab onto what you suppose could be considered Cal's hips and push all the way in, grinding against him and letting out a little noise.

Bro smirks at you, his little _I told you so_ smirk, the face he always, without fail, makes when you start getting into something you resisted at first. He makes that face every single time you enjoy something weird in bed, and you'd like to kiss the dumb half-smirk off his face and tell him to fuck off because if he's gonna make faces at you you aren't gonna screw his dumb puppet.

You don't, though, you just keep thrusting into Cal, hips meeting his each time you roll your hips forward. You're pounding into him before long, holding his hips against yours and speeding up until you can feel yourself getting close and _this is stupid and ridiculous_ but it feels so perfect and you kiss him on his wooden mouth one more time before you're spilling into him with a loud moan, pace slowing as you finish, mouth still moving against the puppet's.

Bro finishes himself off a few moments later, coming onto his stomach and he's shaking and you're pretty sure it's because he got himself wound right the fuck up over the idea you screwing a puppet. You are in love with the weirdest man alive, but you're beyond caring.

You cradle Lil Cal in your arms as you shuffle over to press your body into Bro's side, pulling yourself out of the puppet slowly and sighing. Everything feels really good and you just want to lay there with Bro and maybe sleep a little and then get up and fool around a little more. Bro takes the puppet from you and kisses him on the cheek, laying him down on the futon on the other side of himself. Then he leans in and kisses you, tangling his fingers into your hair and wrapping his other arm around your waist.

"You get off on some weird shit," you whisper against his neck, smiling wide.

"Yeah, whatever. We're the perfect weird couple and you know it."

"I know," you whisper, pressing closer to his side and wrapping your arm around his stomach. Your arm slides through jizz and you make a disgusted noise, wiping it onto his chest with a laugh. He yells something to the effect of 'fuck you,' and wipes his hand through his own come left on his stomach, threatening you with it, his hand coming close to touching your hair.

You wrestle with him like that for a while. He wipes come in your hair, so you lick his face all over. Then he threatens to lick your eyeball (he leans in and almost touches his tongue to your eye) and you give in, he wins, too gross.

"I love you," you tell him, kissing him on the mouth and giving his ass a squeeze.

"I love you, too," he bites his lip to try and stop himself from grinning but he's really shitty at it so he kisses you again to try and hide it.

"Shower time. I'm not napping with your come in my hair."

He actually snorts, then rolls halfway off the futon, picking you up bridal-style despite (maybe because of) the fact that you complain about it the whole way and then he sort of just drops you into the tub, trying not to laugh at you when you complain that that hurt a little. He turns on the shower, actually starts to laugh at you when you practically scream because of the cold water, and then steps into the shower when it heats up. He bends down, hooks his hands underneath your arms, and drags you up until you're standing, kissing you and pulling you under the showerhead.

You like showering with Bro. Aside from the fact that he usually shoves you into the tub and makes you freeze your nads off while the water heats up, he doesn't really screw around with you while you shower together.

He likes to wash your hair, and that usually leads to him washing you all over, kissing you as he goes.

This time, he smirks as he gets your hair into a lather, making sure he gets his come out because it was _his_ fault it was there in the first place. He grabs the washcloth and makes you cover your eyes when he rinses your hair out, then wraps his arms around your waist and kisses you again.

"I love you so much," he says, slicking your hair back with the water and kissing your forehead.

"I love you too," you laugh, doing the same thing to him and then reaching for the shampoo, pouring way too much on his head and getting a little jab in the ribs in return.

You relax into his touches when he starts to wash you, leaning up and kissing him every so often. When he finishes, you tell him that you're too lazy to wash him, and he jabs you in the ribs again, but turns the water off and wraps a towel around your shoulders and his.

Snuggling down into bed, still mostly wet, clinging to each other, kissing over and over again, is something you look forward after every shower.

He picks Lil Cal up carefully, reassuring you that he'll clean the puppet up a little later, then sets him in the computer chair and climbs back into bed with you, both arms wrapping around you, pulling you against him.

You whisper that you love him one more time before you press your face into his chest and sleep.


End file.
